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Tonight I had the privilege of giving a short talk about what San Francisco Zen Center means to me and specifically about Tassajara – a retreat center located in Carmel Valley. Here's what I said:

When Kate, the director of development from San Francisco Zen Center asked me to talk for a few minutes from a layperson's perspective about the Zen Center and specifically about Tassajara, I took a deep breath and said to myself "If you say yes, you'll regret it and if you say no, you'll regret it." So what I said was "Thanks very much for thinking of me, I'll let you know tomorrow." Tomorrow shows up and I'm getting on a plane early in the morning. I'm waiting at the Pittsburgh airport where the rain is torrential with random flashes of lightening. My favorite weather to fly in, NOT. I'm basically afraid to fly, though I do it frequently. I especially do not like bumpy air and turbulence. And yet here it was, 7am Saturday morning June 5th (I always like to note the date and time in case it's my last notation in this life), and I'm boarding the full flight to SFO with many other people who seem unaffected by the weather.

I pat the plane with my right hand and subtly pause on entry reciting the metta sutra "may all beings be safe, may all beings be happy, may all beings be healthy, may all beings be at peace" three times and try to surrender. Within a few minutes – between boarding and take off, there was a break in the weather and the plane took off with amazing grace, though the flight was pretty bumpy for the first 2 hours. I listened to Pema Chodren on my ipod with sweaty palms and a noticeably fast beating heart, as she talked about unconditional confidence in meeting life. Eventually, the air was smooth, the sky blue and landscapes of the desert, mountains and lakes were actually beautiful. I remembered Kate's request and thought I would write some ideas about what I would say and then see how I felt about speaking.

For me, public speaking comes right after sickness and before old age and death. And yet, much like flying, I push myself to do it anyway because I find that vulnerability is a truth serum like no other. From fear and the desire to close down comes the opportunity to open to whatever is there and to see how my suffering is the same as everyone's suffering. Then the whole story shifts and it's not about ME anymore. We all want to get home safe and be loved, seen and accepted for whom we are. And then there is this effortless opening and deep gratitude for this life, the life that we all share.

And it's from this place, where I may be able to find the words to explain what Tassajara and Zen Center mean to me. Being at Tassajara feels safe and protected – yet we know from the fire, that we have been fortunate that it is still intact. It is a place of extreme beauty and the wildness and surprises of the natural world are constantly unfolding. The last time I was there, No Race, 2008, I went to bed racked with a zillion mosquito bites and woke up in the morning greeted by thousands of butterflies – it was a magical paradise.

Tassajara is steeped in the dharma. I can feel Suzuki Roshi's encouragement and appreciate Baker Roshi's skillful means at negotiating the deal on behalf of Zen Center. I am taken by the efforts of so many who continue to infuse this place with dedication to all beings – with great care and kindness and beauty that welcomes all who pass thru its gates. We gather tonight to honor this place of refuge. I consider it a privilege to contribute to Tassajara so that it may continue to serve and make a difference to all who make the journey.

• Hire the right people for the right job.
• Teach them. Learn from them. Trust them. Work with them
  side by side. Empower them. Celebrate results.
• Clear metrics and expectations.
• By creating clear expectations and measureable results
  for performance, it makes it easier to let go and discuss and monitor results
  together.
• People make mistakes once. The up side of a mistake is
  learning from it, once. It’s ok to make different mistakes but the same person
  making the same mistake repeatedly means it isn’t working.
• Admit when it’s not working. And sincerely and gracefully
  let go and move on.
• Remember Balance, Sustainability and Vision.
• You are running an ultra marathon – no sprinting. You
  have to take care of yourself so that you can take care of your children,
  family, employees, etc. That means you have to delegate – it is not optional.
• The idea is to be happy.

I know this sounds simple and yet elusive. The reason that
you started your business is to love your work, hire people who support you, be
in charge of your time/life. You have to care about, respect and honor the
people you work with – if you do, you’ll trust them and yourself enough to
delegate.

Some Basic Guidelines for use of the top 10 Essential Oils:

Baths: Add 10 – 18 drops of essential oils to a warm, drawn
bath. Make sure to keep the door closed to retain the vapors. If your skin is
very sensitive, blend the essential oils into a base oil (sweet almond oil,
olive oil,etc) before adding to bath.

Massages: For one application, pour 2 tablespoons of a base
oil into a saucer and add 3 – 7 drops of essential oils.

Inhalations: Add 5 – 10 drops of essential oils to a bowl of
hot, steaming water. Place a towel over your head and bowl to enclose the steam
and inhale. Another quick way, especially good for eucalyptus during cold
season is to pour a few drops of essential oil on the shower floor and turn on
steaming, hot water. Close bathroom door for maximum effect. Make sure you readjust
the water temperature before you get into the shower.

Compresses: Add 5 – 10 drops of essential oils to small bowl
of warm water. Soak a piece of gauze in the water and place on affected area.
Repeat. Keep the water warm.

Air Fresheners: Add 60 – 100 drops of essential oils to the
water in a 3-4ounce bottle with spray top. Shake well to disperse oil into
water and spray liberally into the room.

The top ten essential oils are chosen because of their
versatility and accessibility – they are oils that enhance the quality of every
day life, much like fresh flowers. They affirm our interconnectedness and give
us the gifts of their essential fragrance and healing properties.  Each essential oil has unique therapeutic
properties which have been documented by use throughout history. Because each
oil contains active ingredients in a highly concentrated form they should be
diluted in oil or water before use.

Eucalyptus (eucalyptus globulus) A powerful stimulant,
insecticide and effective germicide, Eucalyptus has broad ranging therapeutic
effects. As a decongestant, it is helpful for opening up sinus and air passages
and will encourage easier breathing. It is a cooling and drying agent and helps
to stimulate thinking and increase concentration under emotional pressure. It
is the exclusive diet of koala bears in its native Australia and is the tallest
deciduous tree on earth. Uses: a few drops on the shower floor, turn on hottest
water and turn down water temperature before getting in – great for waking up,
decongestant, and soothing aches and pains. Also use in bath.

Geranium (pelargonium graveolens) The beautiful pale green
oil of geranium is a balancing tonic for both skin and mind. It has been used
to help regulate hormonal fluctuations, edema and fluid retention esp. during
menstrual cycle/menopause. A common sight in window boxes worldwide, Geranium
is an effective household insecticide especially when used in combination
w/ Bergamont and Citronella.Uses: sprinkle a few drops on a tissue/hankie and inhale to
dispel tension

Lavender (lavender officinale) The English word Lavender
comes from the Latin lavare, “to wash.” For centuries lavender has been used for
bathing because of its pure, clean fragrance. It is well known for its balancing
effect on the nervous system and may help insomnia. In ancient Rome, lavender was used to disinfect sick
rooms and hospitals because of its antiseptic and antibacterial properties.
Gattefosse, “the father of aromatherapy,” was working as a chemist when he accidentally burned his arm. Without a thought, he immersed his arm in a vat of
lavender essential oil and noticed that the painful symptoms were reduced and
the burn healed quickly without scarring. It may be placed directly on skin in
cases minor burns. Uses: everyone should have a bottle of this extremely useful
oil.

Lemon (citrus limon) Lemons saved our sea faring ancestors
from scurvy. Today, this essential oil with its antiseptic and astringent
properties is useful in personal care as well as a household cleaning agent. It
has a fresh, uplifting, citrusy scent. Uses: Add 3 drops of lemon oil to 3
ounces of water, shake and use to wipe down wooden furniture or children’s toys.

Peppermint (menthe piperita) The scent and flavor of
Peppermint is widely used in tea, toothpaste, candy and personal care. It has a
cooling effect as the principal constituent is menthol. It is antiseptic and
helps to settle the digestive system. Uses: Peppermint is great for tired foot.
Sprinkle a few drops in a basin or bathtub with warm water for a soothing and
cooling foot bath.

Rosemary (rosemarinus officinalis) This familiar culinary
herb grows wild in may parts of the Mediterranean and California. It is stimulating and clarifying
and an aid to the memory. In ancientGreece
and Rome, it
was a common practice of students to wear wreaths of rosemary on their heads to
assist them with their studies. Rosemary is both a physical and mental stimulant
which makes it good for a morning shower. It is also excellent in a bath at the
end of a long and tiring day as it eases muscular aches by increasing
circulation.  It is used in haircare
products – adding vitality and shine especially to dark hair. Uses: Sprinkle a
few drops on tissue and inhale during exams, or deadlines to aid in
concentration and combat fatigue.

Ylang Ylang (canaga odorata) Its name means flower of
flowers. These exotic, highly fragrant blossoms are hand picked and distilled
in the early hours of the morning when they are most fragrant. Ylang stimulates
the release of endorphins which are known to produce euphoria and relieve pain.
It is a sensual fragrance and is known to be an aphrodisiac. Uses: bathing,
perfume and massage

Essential oils are nature’s pharmacy. Their vital
therapeutic and aromatic properties have been recognized and used for thousands
of years for healing, personal care and perfumery. There is a vast difference
in the quality of essential oils depending on agricultural conditions,
distillation, and purity (no additives). Your nose knows – you can actually
educate yourself experimentally – just smell a few of the same essential oils
from different sources that range in price and you will see that the one’s that
smell like a concentrated essence or version of the actual plant is the one you
want to use. A hint about testing: close your eyes, inhale deeply and take a
break either by smelling coffee or wool – the perfumer’s trick to neutralize
your nose in between oils.

It is best to get to know single notes of essential oils
experientially before blending them. Much like spices and cooking, you get a
sense based on each spice how they combine and affect each other as well as
which amounts are appropriate. Also, it’s important to know that essential oils
are highly concentrated, are not to be used directly on your skin (except
lavender) and that more is not better, it’s just more. The right amount depends
on purpose of use.

The term stress was coined by Hans Selye a little more than
50 years ago. Hans was trying to figure out the precursors to illness and
wanted to describe the state of our bodies, hearts and minds that made us prone
to getting sick. There was no word to describe it in English. The Chinese
characters for “crisis” that best described the experience closest to stress
translates into both “danger” and “opportunity.” We tend to absorb the “danger”
experience without the balance of seeing the “opportunity” at the same time and
describe our experience as stress. It’s hard to imagine a time when “stress”
and “what to do about it” was not on our cultural radar.

Aside from the threat to survival – which triggers the
primal “fight or flight” response in humans, the degree to how and why we are
threatened and what we consider stressful are unique to each of us. I was
reading Brian Johnson’s new blog, Philosopher’s Notes (wisdom@philosophersnotes.com)
and there was a quote by Joseph Campbell “Nothing is exciting if you know what
the outcome is going to be.” And Brian said “ How funny is it that we get
stressed because we don’t know exactly how everything is going to turn
out?”  It reminded me of psych 101 class
– classic study that describes some poor joe drifting off to sleep only to be
awakened  by his upstairs neighbor loudly
taking off his shoe which bonks on the floor. In his startled state he can’t
fall back to sleep knowing that there is another shoe that will most likely
make a similar if not worse noise. So he naturally waits for the other shoe to
drop before he can relax and go back to sleep. We spend a lot of time  “waiting for the other shoe to drop.”  So here’s a list of what to do while waiting.

De-Stress: Decompress

1. First things first. Admit it. You’re stressed. If you can name it, you can change it.
2. Stop (take a break). Look (what’s going on). Listen  (to yourself). Take a few deep breaths (inhale for 10, exhale for 10)
3. Respond. Choose. What do I want to do to decompress so that I am having a more calm and peaceful experience?

Nature. For some of us it’s get away from it all – unplug –get out in the fresh air, (dress for the weather) and take a walk or hike. Nature is an unlimited resource for perspective, empowerment and letting go. Being outside helps us get out of our thinking mind into our physical presence and slow down enough to hear ourselves, restore our balance and take right action.

Hot Water. I started my meditation practice in the bathtub when my son was a year old. It was the easiest and most accessible place to be
alone (when there was another adult in the house or when he would just sit there and play for a while). Lavender Essential Oil was (and still is), one of my best friends and the combination of 20 minutes of quiet, the soothing and fragrant aroma of lavender and hot water restored my sense of well being and
peace of mind fairly easily. Another way to experience essential oils is by sprinkling a few drops on the shower/tub floor and turn shower on hot for a few seconds before getting in. The hot water releases the essential oil’s therapeutic fragrance and even a quick aromatic shower can help to create an attitude adjustment.

Move your Body. Shake your booty. Physical exercise is a proven shape shifter for our mood, health, heart and spirit. Walking, hiking, biking, cardio, yoga, pilates, weight training, dance class -find a way to
exert your body for your health and well being.

Make a little love. Need I say more? The ultimate attitude adjuster, mood transformer, heart opener, perspective changer, mini vacation, demon chaser.

Choose your Conversations. Talk to people who listen to you, value what you have to say, show you kindness and respect and are not there to judge you. Save the other people and conversations for later.

Take a tech break. Turn off, unplug and be quiet for an hour. Light a candle. Stare. Daydream. Take a nap.

Listen to yourself. Change your mind. Change your thoughts. Change your life.

Love more. De-Stress.